Hello, fellow entrepreneurs! Before we begin, I want to take an audience poll. Who here likes money? Raise your hand if you love money! Now, who here hates working for money? And who here wants to know how you can be filthy rich in just a few short months?
嗨，親愛(ài)的企業(yè)家們！在我們開(kāi)始之前，我想先給你們做個(gè)測(cè)驗(yàn)，在場(chǎng)的各位誰(shuí)喜歡錢？喜歡錢的請(qǐng)舉手！那好，在場(chǎng)的各位誰(shuí)討厭為了錢而工作？誰(shuí)想知道如何在短短幾個(gè)月內(nèi)就腰纏萬(wàn)貫？

With the six easy steps in my patented program, Millionaire Magic in Months, you can make—you guessed it—a million dollars in—you guessed it—months!
遵循我獨(dú)創(chuàng)的計(jì)劃——《幾個(gè)月成為百萬(wàn)富翁的魔法》——中的簡(jiǎn)單6步，你就能賺到——你猜對(duì)了——100萬(wàn)美元——你猜對(duì)了——在幾個(gè)月之內(nèi)！

First, start working a shift or two each week at Jo’s Café. It’s easy and the pay is great. Let’s do the math. Ten dollars an hour times five hours a day times two days a week times four weeks a month for three whole months. Are you kidding me? That’s gotta be like ten grand right there. Cash. But my plan doesn’t end there—it’s time to move to step two.
首先，你要開(kāi)始在Jo’s Café餐廳每周干一天或兩天，這很容易而且薪酬不菲。咱們做道數(shù)學(xué)題，一小時(shí)10美元乘以一天5小時(shí)乘以一周兩天乘以一個(gè)月4周再乘以3個(gè)月。開(kāi)玩笑吧？已經(jīng)1萬(wàn)美元了。錢到手了，但我的計(jì)劃并未到此結(jié)束——可以開(kāi)始第二步了。

Step two, you ask? Simple. Take on more shifts at Jo’s. It never fails. More Jo’s shifts, more money in your pocket.
你想知道第二步?簡(jiǎn)單。在Jo’s Café餐廳多上幾天班。你永遠(yuǎn)不會(huì)失望，上班越多，口袋里的錢就越多。

Step three: every other week, when your paycheck comes, cash it out and go straight to the racetrack. You pick a horse—any horse at all—and bet all of your money on it. All of it. If your horse wins, you’re a millionaire overnight, baby. But if you’re like me and you have terrible luck at the tracks, still no problem. Just head to the bar and drown your sorrows in booze.
第三步：每隔一周，薪水支票發(fā)到手就去提現(xiàn)，然后直接去賽馬場(chǎng)，挑一匹馬——什么馬都可以——把所有錢都押到上面，所有錢都押上。如果你選的馬贏了，就一夜暴富了，朋友。但如果你像我一樣在賽馬場(chǎng)上運(yùn)氣很差也沒(méi)關(guān)系，你可以去酒吧，把悲傷都隨酒喝下。

All right, so you’ve worked two long months at Jo’s and squandered pretty much all your earnings at the track. But you’ve got a little bit left, and I’ll bet you can guess step four. Don’t worry though. You’re okay. Just keep following the steps and we’ll get you out of this.
好吧，你已經(jīng)在Jo’s Café餐廳工作兩個(gè)月了，把賺來(lái)的所有錢都揮霍在賽馬場(chǎng)了。但現(xiàn)在還剩點(diǎn)，我打賭你該猜到第四步了，別擔(dān)心，你沒(méi)事，就按我的步驟來(lái)做，會(huì)帶你脫離困境的。

Step five. Uh oh, things are looking really bad. That bookie was way more serious than you thought, and now you owe the mob thousands of dollars. Plus now you need the money more than ever, to support your rampant gambling and alcohol addictions.
第五步。哦，情況看起來(lái)真的很糟糕。賭馬比你想的更嚴(yán)重，現(xiàn)在你欠黑幫老大幾千美元了。再加上你現(xiàn)在比以前更需要錢了，因?yàn)槟阋S持瘋狂的賭博和酒癮。

But hold on a second, what’s step six of my program? That’s right, you guys know where this is going. Step six: take out the mob boss. Think about it; they’ll never see it coming and this way you can wind up on top despite all of your fucking bad luck. Everyone will fear you, even respect you. It’s a bold move, but it’s all you’ve got at this point, and if you don’t do something drastic, you’re probably going to die. With the boss gone, you’ll be king of the streets, a big important guy, even… dare I say? A millionaire. Money! You’re rich, baby.
再堅(jiān)持一下，我計(jì)劃里的第六步是什么呢？對(duì)，你們知道該做什么。第六步：邀請(qǐng)黑幫老大出去。你想想，他們從沒(méi)想到會(huì)這樣。雖然你運(yùn)氣這么差，但這樣你的地位就會(huì)扶搖直上。每個(gè)人都會(huì)怕你，甚至還會(huì)尊重你。這是一個(gè)大膽舉措，但這就是你現(xiàn)在擁有的全部了，如果你不做點(diǎn)極端的事，你可能就得死了。黑幫老大走后，你就是這條街上的頭兒了，是大人物了，甚至……我敢說(shuō)你是百萬(wàn)富翁了。有錢了！你現(xiàn)在有錢了，朋友。

小編友情提示：不要打英語(yǔ)君，本文純屬惡搞，看了笑笑就好，好孩子千萬(wàn)不要模仿哦~想要發(fā)財(cái)？呵呵，自己賺?。。?！

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