I’ve heard it all before. I’ve said it all before. The Oscar show is too long. Too boring. Too, too much. So here, a modest proposal for some changes to make the telecast more real, more relevant, more fun.

坊間早有抱怨，筆者也一再投訴：奧斯卡頒獎(jiǎng)禮冗長(zhǎng)枯燥，空洞無(wú)物。因而筆者在此斗膽提出十個(gè)建議，盼奧斯卡頒獎(jiǎng)禮電視直播能更真實(shí)可信、中肯踏實(shí)，且趣味盎然。

Hold It Earlier -- Everything else has sped up; now, by Oscar time, many of these movies have already closed (or been honored at one of a dozen other awards shows). Move the Oscars to Feb. 1 and they’ll feel fresher.

頒獎(jiǎng)禮要趁早——這年頭，管它什么東西都加快了腳步。因而待到奧斯卡時(shí)間，大部分提名電影都已經(jīng)下檔，或者在別的電影獎(jiǎng)上收獲頗豐。建議把奧斯卡頒獎(jiǎng)禮挪2月1號(hào)舉行，才不至于有吃隔夜飯的感覺(jué)。

Start It Earlier -- This is Barbara Walters’ 29th – and last – year interviewing celebrities beforehand. Great. Don’t replace her, and begin the show earlier. Even a half-an-hour head start, and things might finally wrap up by 11.

頒獎(jiǎng)時(shí)間要趁早——今年是芭芭拉·沃特斯第29年也是最后一次在頒獎(jiǎng)禮前采訪名人。很好，留著她，但拜托早點(diǎn)開(kāi)始頒獎(jiǎng)行不行。就算提早一個(gè)半小時(shí)的話，都得拖到晚上11點(diǎn)才結(jié)束咧。困不困啊？

One Host -- Yeah, I’m looking forward happily to Steve Martin, and nervously to Alec Baldwin. But multiple hosts usually slow things down. Stick with a single, smart, ad-libbing talent. Just not David Letterman.

一個(gè)主持足以——好吧，史蒂文·馬丁讓偶很期待，至于艾里克·鮑德溫就不好說(shuō)了。但終究主持人數(shù)一多就會(huì)拖沓。一個(gè)能說(shuō)會(huì)道的人才足以。不要David Letterman就行了。

No Banter -- Comedy is good. Forced comedy is bad. Please no more corny puns, or painfully “funny” choices like having a sex symbol give out the award for “best special effects” or a kid actor present “best short subject.”

無(wú)禮嘲弄很不好——搞笑雖好，強(qiáng)顏歡笑卻無(wú)聊。土掉渣的俏皮話就免了，包括調(diào)侃什么性感尤物頒發(fā)“最佳特效獎(jiǎng)”、什么小屁孩頒發(fā)“最佳短片”之類的。

No Plugging -- Why is Star A standing up there at the podium with Star B? Because they have a new movie coming out soon and they want to push it any way they can. It’s a crass move. Save the selling for the commercials.

借機(jī)宣傳不要謝謝——明星甲同明星乙站在某個(gè)角落blah blah是為何？因?yàn)樗麄冇行缕鰜?lái)逮著機(jī)會(huì)就得亮相宣傳嘛。傻不拉機(jī)的，還不如省錢買電視廣告。

No Salutes -- I have fond memories of Billy Crystal’s annual “It’s a Wonderful Night for Oscar.” But last year’s big “salute to the musical” extravaganza was solely a salute to Hugh Jackman. Can the medleys.

空洞致敬不要了——懷念當(dāng)初Billy Crystal每年的“奧斯卡的美好夜晚”，不過(guò)去年向“音樂(lè)劇致敬”的段落吧，基本也就是向休·杰克曼致敬。咱就不要歌曲聯(lián)唱了行不？

No Montages -- A related complaint – those endless themed clip jobs that recycle the same old “magical” moments. (How many times are we going to see “No prisoners!” from “Lawrence of Arabia”?) Enough already.

短片集錦看膩了——這個(gè)也是相對(duì)而言的，關(guān)鍵是因?yàn)槊磕隉o(wú)窮無(wú)盡主題的短片剪輯吧，總是反反復(fù)復(fù)圍繞著那些個(gè)咱都看煩了的段落轉(zhuǎn)，真是看得膩味了。

No Minor Awards -- The Academy has always resisted this, but really. Two awards for sound? Three awards for short subjects? Give them out during commercials, or fold into the earlier night of purely technical prizes.

小獎(jiǎng)沒(méi)意義——雖說(shuō)電影學(xué)院總是在堅(jiān)持這些獎(jiǎng)項(xiàng)的必要性，但是真的有必要么？音效倆獎(jiǎng)，短片仨？放廣告的時(shí)候發(fā)發(fā)掉么好咧，要么就提早一天純粹給技術(shù)類頒獎(jiǎng)，多清凈！

Better Presenters -- Having former winners announce the various acting nominees is a good idea – if there’s a connection. But last year saw Sir Ben Kingsley praising … Mickey Rourke? From now on, book friends, mentors.

找好玩點(diǎn)兒的頒獎(jiǎng)嘉賓——要是找私底下有聯(lián)系的前得獎(jiǎng)人擔(dān)當(dāng)頒獎(jiǎng)嘉賓給現(xiàn)得獎(jiǎng)人發(fā)獎(jiǎng)，那還說(shuō)得過(guò)去。但是看看去年，居然找八竿子打不著的人。趁早找熟人，找良師益友。

Party, Party, Party -- Make it the way it used to be (and what the Golden Globes copied): A night just for the nominees and their friends, with an open bar. Then turn on the cameras. Now that’s entertainment.

狂歡派對(duì)才是王道啊——想當(dāng)年這么整就不錯(cuò)，回頭還讓金球給抄了去，那就是為頒獎(jiǎng)嘉賓和他們的好朋友們開(kāi)個(gè)派對(duì)吧，整一個(gè)華麗麗的吧臺(tái)，開(kāi)著相機(jī)拍。這才是人們想看的東東！


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